“Dear mother-in-law, never tell me how to handle my children. I’m living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.”~ Unknown.

I was having a conversation with a few of my friends and the mother-in-law topic was raised. A friend asked how she should handle a situation with her mother-in-law. Basically, her complaint was that her mother-in-law meddled a lot with situations concerning herself (my friend) and her husband. Her mother-in-law wanted to be involved in all decision making and wanted this couple to always take her advice. Whenever her sometimes unsolicited advice was not taken/heeded by the couple, she’d cup an attitude for weeks and would make sure this couple knew how unhappy she was. A similar situation came up recently and this was what prompted my friend to raise this topic.

Stories of mothers-in-law not treating their daughters-in-law as they should abound and a lot of women would love to willingly share such stories to anyone who wishes to listen. As a mother, I’ll be a mother-in-law someday and will make a conscious effort not to interfere in my children’s marriages unless they are in danger or come to me for advice. My job as a mother never ends even when my children get married but the dynamics in our relationship will change as their spouses become their confidant and best friend.

When you have a meddlesome mother-in-law, how do you deal with such a situation? A good advice will be to keep a little distance from her. Distance is not always a bad idea. I’m not saying cut her off completely, I’m saying get some distance between each other. Occasional calls and limiting information passed along to her will limit her meddlesome attitude. Set and reinforce all boundaries with her and remind her of these boundaries. If you have a mother-in-law like my friend who gives you an attitude anytime her advice is not heeded, don’t let this put a strain on your marriage, be happy. At least you know you’re not married to a mummy’s boy. She’s probably not going to change and you can’t worry and get wrinkles for a person you can’t understand their actions.

Are you a meddlesome mother-in-law? Let me highlight some of the traits you should consider before you give your answer. Do you give unsolicited advice to your child and his spouse? Do you unilaterally make decisions for your child and his spouse and expect them to “do as you say?” Do you feel you are always right? Do you hold grudges against your daughter-in-law? Do you make people around you see you as the “good guy” and play the victim when your child or his spouse refuses to let you into their private affairs (are you two-faced)? Are you controlling? Do you feel everyone should dance to your tune? Do you fake your likeness for your daughter-in-law? Although this list is not all-inclusive, if you possess a few of these traits, you, my dear are most likely to win the meddlesome mother-in-law trophy.