“Cheating isn’t always kissing, touching, or flirting. If you gotta delete text messages so your partner won’t see them you’re already there.” ~ Unknown

“It was your choice to sleep with her Gavin! It didn’t just happen!” ~ Belinda G. Buchanan

Adultery – Such a simple word but yet a hard act to admit. A male friend of mine saw a picture of one of my married female friends on my social media handle and expressed his interest in her. I quickly informed him she was happily married and would never be interested in him. The next words that came out of his mouth left mine agape. He told me to give him her number and all he needed was a day she was feeling vulnerable and he would strike. His words were “her husband cannot make her happy 100% of the time. I just need that 1% when he leaves her emotionally vulnerable.” Needless to say he most definitely did not get her number. It should not come as a shock that some people are learned in the act of adultery. It’s like they have gotten a degree in Smooth Operation Adultery (BSc. SOA).

Have you heard a person who admitted to adultery say “I don’t know how it happened?” Or the most popular excuse “It’s the devil’s work.” When people give this last excuse, I can imagine the devil saying “Nope, don’t give me credit for this one. You walked bright-eyed into this all by yourself. I was under the mango tree, not even close to you.” Have you ever gotten to a point in your marriage where you think nothing can make you cheat on your spouse? Especially when you are both happy and basking in the glow of a blissful marriage? Then, from out of nowhere, you get that random text from your ex? Sometimes, it usually starts out all innocent. “Hey, how are you? How is married life?” In your joy to spite your ex and let him or her know your marriage is blissful, you reply with the obvious answer. But you know what? That first random text might be the first step to opening Pandora’s box. Sometimes, in trying to prove you made the right choice in your spouse, you encourage a conversation that should have been nipped in the bud.

There are different scenarios that lead to adultery, but when you start deleting messages, erasing call logs, saving names on your phone to mislead your significant other, you my friend are a prospective candidate for adultery. It’s like a fruit that takes a while to ripen. You are on the slippery slope to adultery. Your guilt makes you try to cover up your steps. This is true even when the “act” has not yet been committed. Why the need to cover your tracks? Prior to committing adultery, one thing should be ringing clear in your head – Loyalty isn’t grey. It’s either black or white. You’re either loyal one hundred percent to your spouse or you’re not. Capisce (prounced cah-peesh)?

Adultery doesn’t just happen (oh, please spare me that excuse! It’s been used, overused and abused). The adulterer calculates, meditates, and envisions the act. No, you did not just fall on top of him or her. You toyed with the idea, teased each other, met somewhere,  and sometimes make grand preparations. At the point of mens rea (the intention or knowledge of wrongdoing that constitutes part of a crime, i.e. the mental element) and actus rea (the act itself, is the physical element), the adulterer has knowingly taken steps to bring the act to fruition.

There are different ways adultery can happen, various instances of how it begins. The responsibility lies with each spouse to always remember loyalty is all or nothing, never grey. Always remain loyal to your spouse in your brain, head, heart, and private parts no matter how tempting the Vixen/Adonis maybe.