“God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don’t run after them.”~ Rick Warren

A few days ago, I had a conversation with a friend of mine who was in a dilemma. She has been in a relationship with a guy for four months and all was going well or so she thought. According to her, she had this nagging feeling about him that she couldn’t shake off (call it intuition). They knew quite a lot about each other, after all, four months of dating will make you get to know a person a little better than when you just met each other. This dude told her he was single but had a child. As a sleuth that she is, just to satisfy this nagging feeling, she went on a social media hunt. Of course, you know some things can’t be erased from the internet once uploaded. She googled and searched and investigated this dude and finally, after some digging, she found a picture. A wedding picture of her boo and a woman she did not know. She did some more digging only to find out her boo was married but separated. His wife lived in another country with their child. Livid as she was, she confronted her boo. He told her he was “technically” single as he was separated from his wife.

Now I know stories like this abound but what baffles me is how a grown  (wo)man can lie about being married in this day and age of social media. It takes one picture and google holds on to it as a memorabilia. What bothers me about scenarios like my friend’s is some of these individuals are not apologetic about the lies they tell. If you have to lie to make a person stay with you, you open up a rabbit hole that has no end. You have to consistently lie to keep up with your initial lie (that’s tiring). There are some (wo)men who don’t mind dating individuals who are separated but the least you can do for someone you’re interested in is to let him/her make that choice. Of course for some, “interests” differs and is sometimes focused on one agenda (get him/her in bed- end goal). As such, these individuals do not care if they have to lie to lay.

Is it right for an individual who is separated to say s/he is single? Legally and “technically,” you’re NOT single. You’re married but separated. As such, holding yourself out as single is deceptive. Additionally, there are some cases where the separation is still in the gray area. You’re separated but still have friends with benefits relations with your spouse or your lives are still very much fused together. I would personally not date a guy who is separated just because I feel he is not available. He is still married and if he wants to be single, he should get a divorce and be legally not technically single. End one relationship before starting another relationship. Start with a clean slate. Sometimes it might be the convenience of a separation, where you’re still holding hope or your spouse is still holding on to a ray of hope that things will work out between the both of you. Other times it might be fear of the unknown- the devil you know is better.

Now if children are involved, it can get a little tricky but both parties have to be adults in such situations if for nothing else, the child(ren)’s sake. Like I told my friend, her relationship was built on lies and if he started with lies, who knows if truth existed in the relationship. Hers was not a hard loss to take. I know four months is not four days but it’s better to know early on rather than later on when you’re in too deep. So, if you are “technically” single and are interested in a relationship, please be honest and give full disclosure before you become a technical liar building a relationship on technicalities.