“I think a man and a woman, on a whole array of issues, including raising children, have differences, and then you work them through.”~ Teresa Heinz

How many of us asked our significant other about how s/he will raise their child? I know sometimes this might not be the first topic especially when we’re filled and overflowing with the adrenalin of romance and love but it is an essential topic of discussion for couples. Of course, this topic might be too early to discuss on your first date as neither party is sure of the future of the relationship but when a couple enters the serious dating/courting zone, this topic of how children will be raised should be brought up. I have heard so many scary stories of how differences in raising children have strained marriages. Cultural differences also play a huge role in how a couple will raise their child(ren). I’m originally from Nigeria as such spanking and other punishments and chores make up branches from the tree of discipline when raising a child. Not only do your parents spank you, your teachers and extended family members can spank you and correct you as well.

The birth of a child brings so much joy into a family but this joy can no sooner turn into frustration if one or both parents disagree about how to raise their child(ren). If a couple has different ideologies about raising a child, I believe a truce can be reached. What if your spouse does not believe in spanking, punishing or yelling at a child but you subscribe to the belief that sparing the rod will spoil the child? If you believe spanking is a must for children to teach them the error of their ways how do you then deal with a spouse who does not agree with your method of discipline? If your spouse believes in giving timeouts and you don’t, how is the child disciplined? This is why discussing how your child(ren) will be raised is a conversation that cannot be swept under the carpet for a later date. Additionally, what if your spouse believes a child’s imagination should not be restricted and you should allow your son play with baby dolls and girly toys?

I was once in a group discussion about these issues and the group was actually split. Half of the group believed spanking is bad, children get used to spanking and don’t get scared anymore. Additionally, this same half of the group stated they would buy girly toys and dolls as well as baby boy toys for their sons so he can decide whether he will play with action figures or baby dolls. The other half of the group which I belonged believed spanking and other forms of discipline is a must when training a child and girls should be given girl appropriate toys and boys given boy appropriate toys. I’m not buying a Barbie doll for my son, no thank you. He will get to play with action figures and other boy appropriate toys.

How do you complement each other when you and your spouse have different ideas on how to train a child? That’s why I suggested discussing how your child(ren) will be raised when you both know the relationship is serious. When it comes to raising your child(ren) it’s not about competing to be the child’s favorite parent, it’s about a mutually acceptable form of compromise with your spouse as parents to give each child the best environment to become a responsible adult and fly out of the nest safely.