“Marriages are like fingerprints; each one is different and each one is beautiful.” ~ Maggie Reyes

“Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.” ~Jennifer Smith

I know a lot of married people and one thing I have come to appreciate is that no two marriages are alike because when two people from different background and sometimes different cultures come together, there is a flavorful mix of personalities. Now, this can be a good thing the couple can take advantage of by incorporating their differences and making a colorful and flavor-filled marriage. At church last week, my pastor compared marriage to a dish being cooked. He said if you add a little hot pepper in the dish, it makes it tasty and enjoyable but if you add a lot of hot pepper in the dish, it becomes a painful experience to eat that dish. So, although variety is the spice of life, too much variety in a marriage can make it a painful experience.

So, what are the little nuts and bolts that make each marriage a unique experience? A few years ago, we had a guest who stayed with us for a few days. In the course of her visit, she observed the way I did certain things in my home. One evening, we were having a conversation and I stated my husband did not really know how to cook (although he will say he “used to know how to cook”). She said she was not surprised. She said, “you serve him like a king any time he wants to eat so he won’t have the need to learn how things work in the kitchen.” Whenever I serve my husband I always put the food on a tray and carry the tray to him. This was the reference she was talking about. Now, I know every marriage is different. What works for one couple may not work for the other couple. I don’t see any big deal in serving my husband on a tray. I did this while we were dating. He treats me like a queen so if serving him on a tray is attributed to me treating him like a king, then I pride myself in that.

A few weeks ago, I was at a family friend’s house and her husband came downstairs and asked if she had eaten. Now, I know this couple very well, I knew he was hungry and was trying to cover up his purpose of coming downstairs. The husband believes his wife makes the best tea. Yes, tea. He says every time he makes tea for himself, it never ever tastes like the one his wife made. I have known this couple for over sixteen years and her husband has always made this statement. The husband doesn’t like to eat outside because he says no other person can cook like his wife, there’s just something about her cooking. When he comes back from his travels, you can tell he has lost a lot of weight because he doesn’t really eat when he is away from home.

There are gestures both the husband and wife bring to the table that make the wheel of marriage run smoothly. A married couple with kids dear to my heart create time for date night every Friday.  They keep the kids with the babysitter and enjoy the night off, just the two of them. The wife stated this has helped remind them of who they are as individuals and a couple. What are those nuts and bolts you have kept in your tool shed or garage that you think you should bring out to oil your marriage?