“You’ve got to be a thermostat rather than a thermometer. A thermostat shapes the climate of opinion; a thermometer just reflects it.” ~ Cornel West

In his “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” dated April 16, 1963, Martin Luther King, Jr. made the following statement, “In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society.” While a thermometer measures and indicates temperature, a thermostat automatically regulates temperature. If you put a thermometer in a glass of water, it will tell you what circumstances it finds itself. It will tell you if the water is cold or hot. A thermostat, on the other hand, decides what temperature the water will be. The thermostat changes its environment to raise its circumstance to the position it wants. As a wife, you decide if you will be a thermostat or a thermometer in your home.

My late mum shaped the woman I’ve become today. She always had words of wisdom to spoon feed me. She was the person who initially talked to me about this topic of being a thermostat. She told me when I get married, I would be the one to regulate the temperature in my home as a wife. At first, I didn’t understand what she meant. She told me a thermometer wife simply reacts to what’s happening around her and told me to choose to be a thermostat wife. As a thermostat in my home, I regulate the environment in my home. A thermostat is intelligent.

Now that I have my home, I understand my mother’s wise words. As a thermostat wife, I have the ability to empower everyone in my home. I have the ability to make my home a happy place. How do I know my home is a happy place? Some time ago, my husband told me he always looks forward to coming home whenever he goes out. I believe this because once he gets off work or is out of the house, he rushes back home, all the time. When we both go out, we’re always excited to come back home. This is because our home is a happy place for us. A place of solace. Of course, there are other variants that contribute to making a home a happy place, but I believe an intelligent thermostat is of utmost importance and a major foundational stone to achieving a happy home.

I used to be a thermometer wife because I used to react based on my surroundings. I always wash the dishes in my sink and HATE leaving dirty dishes in my sink. It makes my skin crawl. My husband’s schedule as a police officer is flexible. Sometimes when he worked evenings or mid-nights, after eating at night, he would leave the plates in the sink. In the morning when I woke up and went downstairs, immediately I saw the dirty dishes in the sink, my whole day would be ruined. I would get in a foul mood. Remember, a thermometer wife is controlled and influenced by her circumstances. She wakes up in the morning looks in the sink, sees dirty dishes and becomes irritable, gloomy, and downcast, her whole day becomes a wash. The atmosphere in her home becomes tense. After a few months of being a thermometer wife i.e dirty dishes in the sink ruining my whole day, I remembered the spoonful of wisdom my mum fed me. I decided to become a thermostat wife. Now when I wake up to my husband’s overnight dirty dishes in the sink, I don’t let it derail my day. I wash the plates and move on with my activities for the day. A thermometer wife does not take control, she does not regulate, she is easily influenced by her surroundings.

As a wife, when you wake up every morning, make the decision to be a thermostat in your home. Life will derail you sometimes, even attempt to make you a thermometer, just look at Martin Luther King Jr.’s letter while he was in jail. He did not let his imprisonment make him a thermometer. You must always remember you are intelligent, you influence others for good and you control elements to work to your advantage. So, like the thermostat that you are, get up and regulate your environment.