“A guy and a girl can be friends. But sooner or later one will fall for the other maybe too early, maybe too late and just maybe forever.”~ ohsosweetlove

I recently saw the movie “Marshall.” The real life story about Thurgood Marshall, the first African-American Supreme Court Justice. A line in the movie stuck in my head. A character while speaking to Chadwick Boseman (who played Thurgood Marshall) stated “men are men women are women.” This statement although simple in meaning was the game changer for Marshall which led him to suspect the accused and the accuser were lovers and connect the links in the rape and kidnapping case, thereby vindicating Sterling K. Brown (who played Joseph Spell). If the above quote reads true, can it then be possible to be best-friends with the opposite sex? I’m the first to say a resounding NO! Although, this is my personal opinion. There might be others who will beg to differ with me and I hope we can agree to disagree. I have heard of stories where a guy had a female best-friend and all was cool in bestie-land until dynamics changed in the friendship. Either one of the parties started a relationship or both parties “mistakenly” had sex.

While dating and after marriage, I expect to be my boyfriend’s/husband’s best friend. Nobody should know your partner/spouse better than you. We sleep and wake up beside each other, we see each other at our most vulnerable moments, we share our lives on a daily basis, as such, why should someone else lay claim to the bestie title? How about situations where a male is dating a female and his female best-friend does not like the girlfriend? There will be lots of awkward hangouts and conversations. It could be for petty reasons and the female best-friend could try to sabotage the relationship. Or how about when a male and female claim to be besties but one person secretly has a crush on the other? Will the party with the crush ever be free of bias when the non-crushing party starts a relationship?

I had a conversation with a friend and she said although she has never had a male best-friend, she thought it would not be such a bad idea. When I asked her why she never indulged in a male bestie, she was quick to say “the probability to start catching feelings or sleeping with him would be significantly high” and this reset her senses. I believe the danger of “accidentally” sleeping with your bestie of the opposite sex is more likely especially during periods when one of the parties is vulnerable for instance dealing with a major break-up or heart-break or rejection. Maybe it’s just human nature? Another red flag I see is as the friendship grows, so might the feelings both parties have or one party has for the other.

Although I’m against having an opposite sex bestie, if such friendship must work, I would suggest putting boundaries in place. Sex being one of the boundaries that must never be crossed. Some people can argue that having a bestie of the opposite sex has its advantages as you get a different perspective about gender issues and honest reviews about each other’s life, but in my opinion, you can still enjoy these benefits when you have friends of the opposite sex not only from your opposite sex bestie. Additionally, what about married couples? Is it right for a spouse’s bestie to be the opposite sex? Well, you already know my answer.  A resounding NO! Your spouse should be your bestie. Can you imagine being married to a man who has a female bestie? This scenario is rigged with a lot of potential issues and conflict of interests. How do you tell a female every detail about your life and marriage at the expense of your wife’s vulnerability?

If you start a relationship wherein your partner’s bestie is the opposite sex and you are not comfortable with such dynamics, I’ll advise you to immediately inform your partner. It’s better to know at the beginning where your partner’s loyalty lies than for you to question his/her loyalty years down the line. If you can’t handle this scenario, then either your partner is willing to let go of their bestie or you’re willing to end the relationship before it starts. Don’t start what you can’t finish in your relationship.