“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

My cousins and myself went to see Taye Diggs latest movie “Till Death Do Us Part.” Now, if you plan on seeing this movie, stop reading. If you have already seen this movie continue reading. What floored me the most about this movie was the initial fairy tale marriage the couple had. This also scared me as this meant the husband was pretending to be Mr. Perfect all along. He was a man with a whole lot of psychological issues that were kept well hidden until after their marriage. I hear people say marriage is an eye-opener and this movie proved this point.

So, how do you know if the person you are dating/courting has issues and is just keeping these issues under wraps? Search me. I do believe that marriage should be a mutually beneficial friendship. The movie’s story line was about escaping and surviving a domestic abuse situation. Neither a man nor a woman should strike or hit their partners no matter how angry the person makes you feel. What happens in a situation like this movie where the man hides all the demons and waits till after the marriage to unleash these demons? My answer will never change. LEAVE!!! A fact in life is that people will always talk about you. Be it for good or for bad. Stay and you will be a topic of discussion, leave and you will still be a topic of discussion. Your safety and peace of mind should be paramount. The wife in this movie started to do what most women in abusive relationships do- excuse the abuser’s actions. I’m glad she had a friend who was realistic, encouraged her, and went out of her way to help and stand by her.

When people take vows and say till death do us part, does it give the spouse the right to enforce that part of the vow?  I was once in an abusive relationship. It was mostly emotional and mental, but it got physical once. I’m glad I came out of that relationship because had I stayed any longer, my self-esteem would have been non-existent. Mine started with little words here and there. Mostly fat-shaming. I was 127 pounds and told I was fat. I was constantly called fat. I started to think I was fat. Then the consistent cheating with any and every female he could set his eyes on. At first I tried to make the relationship work, putting more on the table but the more I put on the table, the more of ME he took and barely gave me anything in return. The more of ME he took!!! The one time it got physical was when he choked me. I was scared straight alright but he still excused this behavior. My saving grace was God, myself, friends and family. At first I didn’t open up to anyone about what I was going through in the relationship, all in a bid to make it work. When I did finally open up, the support was overwhelming. My family and friends fought for me, defended me, and even cursed me out when I made excuses for him. I’m glad my story ended on a happy note because so many people may not have such excellent support system.

When fear checks into a marriage, self-confidence, happiness or peace of mind check out. This is also true during courtship. I know the vows say till death do us part, but these words do not give your partner the right to kill or maim you. The vow means you should love your spouse till your dying breath, death via means NOT created by your spouse. The reality check should start when emotional abuse slowly creeps in. Emotional abuse and mental abuse are the bedrock for an abuser. As much as you love a person, you are not Jesus whose purpose in life was to lay down His life for mankind. Jesus has not and cannot be replaced. You on the other hand will be replaced quicker than you can be buried. So, when you feel the need to lay down your life for your spouse, look in the mirror and know Jesus already died for you and you should not have to die for a spouse.  Love resuscitates, love restores, love gives life. Love yours!!!