“Being a good parent requires knowing when to push and when to back off when to help and when to let them make mistakes and then being strong enough to watch them go” ~ Unknown

First, who is a mummy’s boy? According to the dictionary definition, a mummy’s boy is a boy or man who is excessively influenced by or attached to his mother. One of Urban Dictionary definition states “A grown male who allows or desires his mother to control most aspects or decisions of his life for him.” A funnier version defines a mummy’s boy as “a complete wuss.” Okay, so you get the picture. A mummy’s boy is almost every females worst nightmare to be in a relationship with. I say almost because there just might be that small percentage of females who enjoy being with a mummy’s boy.

A friend of mine has been married to a mummy’s boy for about ten years. How do I know he’s a mummy’s boy? That’s what she calls him. Additionally, her marriage is pretty much “governed” by her mother-in-law. Nothing happens in their home that can be kept away from her mother-in-law. I’m baffled when I meet guys that exhibit traces of being a mummy’s boy. How can a grown man be completely dependent on his mother even when he is in a relationship? Let me clarify something before I go any further. I believe a son should have a healthy relationship with his mother. I’m also of the belief that a mummy’s boy has an unhealthy relationship with his mother. I asked my friend how she has managed to live with a mummy’s boy for so long. The fact is she saw the signs of his unusual dependence on his mother while they were courting. She said she thought it was “cute.” The fact he showers his mother so much attention means he would not treat her badly. Well, after fifteen years of being with him, she does not see this behavior as “cute” any more.

The truth of the matter is the signs are always there when the relationship kicks off. If his mother knows everything about your relationship, cooks and cleans for him, turns up at his place whenever it suits her, and controls every or almost every aspect of his life, you, my dear are about to enter the mummy’s boy triangle. If you can’t condone these “love gestures” while courting, please do not marry this man.  When you’re with a mummy’s boy, it pretty much feels like you’re courting his mother. All plans and activities concerning your relationship must be approved by her. If you try to impose your rules, you incur her wrath and this will not go down well for you.

Let me give examples of what my dear friend had to deal with. Remember the “cute” signs she noticed during courtship? Well, these are some examples; her mother-in-law comes for omugwo (a visit to help daughter-in-law after childbirth), she stated categorically that she does not cook. My friend does all the cooking, mother-in-law does not clean (she stated she was too old to clean and had maids who cleaned her house), mother-in-law carries the baby only when the baby is asleep, once the baby is awake or cries, she gives her back to my friend. My friend finally complained to her husband after she became overwhelmed. I’m sure the discussion went along these lines “sweetheart, can your mother help more around the house? Can she at least hold the baby longer while I take care of other household chores?” Her husband said he would talk to his mother. After her husband leaves for work the next day, she noticed her mother-in-law was giving her the cold shoulder and did not carry the baby at all. She tried to make peace but to no avail. She later found out from her husband that the mother-in-law flipped the script, convinced her son my friend was trying to drive a wedge in their mummy’s boy relationship. Needless to say, she did not get any further help from her mother-in-law till her visit was over as her husband took sides with his mother.

A man should love his mother and still be able to make decisions for himself. A man should love his mother and set boundaries of what he will discuss with his mother concerning his relationship. A man should love his mother and be able to do his laundry and clean his own mess. For those who are currently courting a mummy’s boy, it’s not  too late to get out. You’re already in the status quo. Nothing will change when he gets married to you. Actually, it gets worse because his mother dictates not just how your home will be run, or how your future unfolds but how your children will be raised. So, look before you leap because you my dear will always be a third wheel in this love triangle.