“Who knows what the right time to get married is?” ~ Daryl Hall

I know a lot of people can relate with this topic. Either because you know someone who is under pressure from loved ones and friends about getting married or you’re feeling the pressure yourself. I feel it’s a very inconsiderate question to ask a person when you know it’s not the person’s desire to stay single. A lot of females feel the pressure more than males. I guess because of the ticking biological clock women have while men do not have the so-called biological clock. When a woman who desires to get married gets to a certain age and is not married, she starts to feel the pressure all by herself. God forbid she goes to a wedding, all she will hear is “you’re next in Jesus name.” During social events, you hear comments like “when are we coming to eat your jollof rice?” The irony of this is you hear more women asking this question than men. Women who should empathize with their fellow sister, are the ones who mount the pressure on most single ladies.

I’m glad to see that the trend to put the pressure of marriage on women alone is slowly but gradually changing. Earlier this year, the internet went agog when Nigerian artist Banky Wellington (Banky W) and Actress Adesua Etomi announced their engagement. Banky W was one of the most eligible bachelors in Nigeria prior to his engagement and his fans had began to pressure him to get married. Memes were made about his status as a single man. Also, another male Nigerian entertainer who has been feeling the societal pressure to get married is Don Jazzy, the founder of Mavin Records. I believe Don Jazzy is among the most eligible bachelors in Nigeria and society is definitely putting the pressure on him to get married. I think it is only fair that the pressure should not be felt by the woman alone. After all, she won’t marry herself.

I believe societal pressure to get married has made males and females settle for less in terms of the spouses they choose. The need to conform to society’s demands might push an individual to make the wrong choice in choosing a life partner because in their desperation, the individual starts to overlook qualities that are paramount to make the relationship work.  Additionally, some will rather stay in unhealthy marriages because of what society will say if the marriage does not work. Comments like “after waiting for so long, she could not even keep her home” or “no wonder she didn’t marry early, she does not know how to take care of a man.” Have you noticed that most of the time when a marriage fails, the woman is automatically blamed for the failure? The pressure to get married, the pressure to stay married, the pressure that the woman failed in her marriage are all placed on the woman’s shoulder.

I read a post on Instagram today where a man who just got married over the weekend said nobody should give his wife any more marital advice. He said all through courtship and after the wedding ceremony, everyone tells his wife how she should take care of him, how lucky she is to have him, how to make her marriage work, etc. In all of this, nobody has ever told him how to treat his girlfriend turned wife and how to make his marriage work. So, he stated henceforth, all marital advice should be directed towards him and not his wife as his wife has received more than enough advice. I was pretty impressed with this young man’s mentality.  Already, society is putting pressure on the wife to make her marriage work. It’s a pity times are changing so slow. We need to come to a time when society is empathetic towards singles who desire to get married but are not. You don’t have to ask when you will come to eat jollof rice because when the time comes, you will get an invitation to come dine and merry with the couple.

Let’s put a stop to unnecessary pressures on our sisters, brothers and friends who are not yet married. As long as they desire to get married, your asking when they will get married will not quicken the union. Rather, it places unnecessary pressure to settle for less to meet up with society’s expectations. Alas, it is not societal pressure that keeps a marriage but it sure can ruin a marriage.