“There is nothing that anyone can say to prepare you for childbirth. Each woman’s experience is so different; you never know how it will be for you.” ~ Poppy Montgomery

Exactly four years ago today, I gave birth to her. My pregnancy was not as easy-going as I would have wanted. I didn’t have morning sickness, no spitting, or throwing up or excessive cravings but I suffered occasional bouts of depression and moodiness. One thing I did notice was whenever I played music, I could see and feel her moving inside me. Two weeks before my due date, I started my maternity leave. I loved watching “Baby Stories” on TLC and learned a lot from this program. I saw almost all variations of birthing stories, from the easy breezy, to the moderately painful to the extremely painful experiences. As a first time mother, I was not sure what my delivery experience would be. Watching Baby Stories made me realize no two pregnancies are the same even for the same mother.

I also learned to not rush to the hospital once my contractions start as most probably I would be told it was too early to come in. My contractions started August 13, 2013. I didn’t bother calling my gyn or the hospital as the contractions were still very far apart. By night-time on the 15th, the contractions were still not close enough and I decided to wait it out till the contractions were closer together. My husband and I stayed up that night timing my contractions. At almost 2.a.m. on the 16th, my husband slept off in the midst of contraction timing duty (lol). I couldn’t sleep because by now, the contractions were about 15 minutes apart. I continued timing the contractions and around 3 a.m., I woke my husband up as the contractions were 10 minutes apart. He carried my hospital bag, I woke my mum and sister and we left for the hospital. Thankfully, there was no traffic at this time of the morning and we arrived at the hospital in no time.

I was taken to a room, given a hospital gown and the nurse checked me to see how far I was dilated. She stated I was 6 centimeters (cm) dilated. Now, for those who don’t understand pregnancy lingo, a woman starts dilating from 1 centimeters up till 10 centimeters. At 10 cm, the woman is ready to push. So, as at the time I got to the hospital, I was more than half way gone. Now, I thought I would be done with the whole birthing process by noon as I was more than half way at 4 a.m. I was given epidural, which I personally felt slowed down my birth process and I relaxed. When I was fully dilated and it came time for me to push, I thought it would be easy breezy. How wrong I was. I had my supporters club members (husband, mum, and baby sister) right beside my bed encouraging and watching me. I pushed for almost 2 hours (not an easy job by any means) before the princess decided to grace us with her grand entrance at 4 p.m.

After she made her grand entrance, the doctors informed us she inhaled meconium and would have to be kept in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for a whole week. I cried when I was discharged but she was still kept in the NICU. I felt empty going home without her. That one week without her at home was rough. I made the drive to the hospital every single day. It was rough seeing her in the NICU as she was fed with tubes and had all sorts of wires and monitors around her little body. Finally, one week was over and we brought her home. Then the depression came again. I knew what it was, Postpartum Depression (PPD). I felt ashamed that I was going through this condition even though I had a tight support system and didn’t tell anyone at that time not even my gyn. Thankfully, the PPD started to dissipate and I gradually came out of it. There are some women who will need to seek help from their gyn about this condition as it could get worse or affect how you relate with your baby.

Today she turns 4!!! I can’t believe how time flies. This motherhood journey has been an eye opener for real. I could never have imagined I could/can love a person so selflessly and effortlessly. Without even trying, I love her. She drives me crazy sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade all the “joys of motherhood” she dishes for anything. To my dearest daughter – May my God never fail you.