“Every birth a miracle- Each child, Heaven’s gift.”~ Jean Keaton

I went to pick up my daughter from her daycare. While there, I met a grandmother who came with her daughter to pick up her grand kids. We got to talking and I was asked why I have not given my daughter a sibling. We were going back and forth about how one should space their children and I stated that another friend who happened to be in the daycare at that time also had only one child who was my daughter’s age. The next words that came out of the mouth of this grandmother was “well, at least she has a boy.” And everyone at the daycare was floored. You could see the surprised look on every face as she said it aloud, which meant she didn’t think it inappropriate and was very sure of her statement. What floored me was she made this statement late 2016. A WOMAN made this statement. Albeit an aged woman, but a woman nonetheless.

In as much as I detested this statement made by this ignorant grandmother, I know there are more people (men and women inclusive) who have this same ignorant way of thinking. Does gender determine greatness for a child? Is a male child priceless while a female child is not? Has this gender bias disease of the mind eaten deep into our society? Is my child insignificant because she is female? Female children make the majority of those who take care of their elderly parents. Maybe because we females are nurturers? I’m not sure but I do know that most aged parents are cared for by their female children. I know most mothers desire to have both male and female children but when the desire to have a male child dominates and consumes a woman, she has a diseased mind. What these ignorant disease infested people choose not to understand is the woman has nothing to do with the sex of a child. The man determines the gender. I find it hurtful when people put pressure on women to birth a male child. Sometimes, the culprits are the mothers of the husbands, who should know better.

I have a girl child and I’m so proud of her and the journey we’ve made thus far. There are many families that call for meetings because a wife only has girls, no boys. Some go to the extent of putting pressure on the husband to go out and find a woman who will give him a male child. Some men don’t feel complete if they don’t have a male child. Is having a male child the ultimate goal as parents? To some people suffering from this disease of the mind, the answer to this question is a resounding YES. I will likely agree with this diseased reasoning if women are not proving themselves all day every day. I know the worry for a lot of people with this reasoning is who will carry on/continue the lineage of the father. Most women now hyphenate their maiden name with their husband’s last name. Hence, that worry of who will carry on the family name seems to be mitigated.

Women like Joke Silva, Chimamanda Adichie, Sarah Jessica Parker, Beyoncé Knowles, Halle Berry, Heidi Klum, Meagan Good, Mariah Carey, and Diana Ross continue to bear their maiden names. In Nigeria, the more popular trend is to hyphenate. For example, well-known women like Abike Dabiri-Erewa, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde, Lola Omotayo-Okoye, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, and Ndidi Okereke-Onyiuke hyphenated their maiden names with their husband’s last name. So, when an ignorant person raises the topic of a woman not having a male child to carry on the husband’s name, first educate the ignorant disease minded person that the husband determines if he will give the woman the needed chromosome to have a male child to carry on his last name. If in case the man does not transfer the Y chromosome needed to produce a male child, the female child has the option of hyphenation of her maiden name with her husband’s last name or outright not changing her last name. The quicker society realizes it’s a privilege and not a right for a woman to take on her husband’s last name, the quicker this disease of the mind may start to get eradicated and the blind desire of some people to have a male child diminish.